For the longest time I let my anxiety get in the way of a lot of things, and it kept me from doing the things that I love to do. I decided to overcome it one day at a time, and I have a much better life for it, it isn’t easy, but it is possible.
|—||Dominic Riccitello (via aestheticintrovert)|
People get drunk
They hook up with the wrong person
And pretend to be okay
People act tough
And get mad
People will do anything to distract their heart.
They will do anything to distract it from missing someone.
|—||Distraction in its true form (via cramp)|
|—||S.E. Hinton, The Outsiders (via feellng)|
I learned a long time ago that no one wants to be around a deeply unhappy person, so I stopped being one, on the surface of course.
That is the truth though, I am a truly unhappy person, especially lately.
I am not happy, I cannot remember the last time I was truly happy, and I don’t know how to be happy.
I resent the fact that my mom had another child and it isn’t her priority to make my life beautiful and easy anymore.
I resent the fact that when I am physically involved with a guy it is so easy for me to not feel anything, it is what it is and nothing more.
I resent the fact that I come from nothing, no house, no big family, no money, having no security net to fall back on if I truly fuck up in life.
I resent the fact that it is so easy for people to just leave, because my goal is to be the destination for anyone and everyone.
I resent the fact that I love myself, even though I also hate the person circumstance has made me.
I go places, I party, I drink, I dance, I am with people I love and friends who make me smile and yet I am never happy.
I can’t do this anymore.
I am tired of crying whenever no one is around, at school, in the car when I drive myself to work or school every day,or on my lunch break at work.
I’m tired of having meltdowns in front of professors and killing myself at work and then blowing all of my money on momentary things that give the illusion of happiness.
And most of all, I am so fucking tired of pretending that I am okay, because I really am not.
I am not okay.
I am miserable. Miserable to the point where I come to hate even the people I love at times.
People say I should be proud because I can balance school and work, because I go to an amazing private university, because people love to be around me because I am so much fun and always positive.
I’ve gone around saying I am proud of myself and that my hard work has paid off and that I am amazing and that I’m okay and that life is looking up.
I can’t do this anymore.
I am not okay and I don’t know how to fix it.
I just want to be happy.